This Guy is Under 200 pounds now

I'm proud of that.

Long Distance Loving

I've never been one for relationships. If you've known me for a good period of time you know that. I never saw the point. A few dates here and there and the occasional pseudo relationship were pretty much my bag. Love was for chumps and I really believed that. Then this Caroline person kinda came along and I don't give a fuck how cheesy this sounds because odds are that if you think I'm a pussy that I could whip you pretty good.... anyways, sorry for puffing my chest out a bit but the girl really did it for me. I mean really fucking did it for me. She's clearly too good for me smart as hell, honest as the day is long, and easy on the eyes. I know I've done the right things to make it work, but I'm still lucky. There were a couple times in my courtship of her when I thought someone ought ta hit her in the head with a mallet and ask her what she wanted to be with a chubby, hazmat worker for. Shit went good, really good, I felt like I had to convince her to fall for me. I guess I convinced her. She got a Fulbright scholarship to Brazil and that's kinda something that you have to do. Watching her leave was really hard, really fucking hard. Especially if you hang out on boats and in oil refineries doing roughneck ass work and you have no idea what a Fulbright even is. Why did they have to play that shitty Neil Diamond song on the radio right after I dropped her off at the airport? Long distance can be weird. You spend a lot of time talking and figuring out how to figure into each other's days. Patience is key... and patience is not something that I've really ever had much of. Anyways, I'm taking my second trip to Brazil in three and a half months on Wednesday. It's worked out well and she's coming back here December 1st. I guess at some point for the most part even the most reluctant want someone, I got me a good one.

I Feel Like Having a Blog Again

Positive Mattributes has had a few runs. Both times I decided to post on this people inexplicably enjoyed it.They'd say "Hey, that was a really funny post." "What the fuck does no funny business mean?" "A Bosnian Man wanted you to do what? Why would something like that happen in Leavenworth?" A lot has changed about me. Gone for the most part are the days where I'm the drunkest man in the room even though I have to be at work three hours later, though if you wanna try me, yes I can drink you under the table. You'll still be finishing your jaeger bomb while I've just picked my first song on the jukebox. Who in their right mind would give two shits about what the hell I did last night, what pisses me off and what shit makes me slightly sentimental? This blog, as in the past is mostly going to be me running a self fellatio marathon, so if you're at all interested in watching a dumb ass roughneck hazmat worker stumble ass backwards through his life pull up a chair, crack a beer, and see what a 28 year old shit head who is dumber than the bologna sandwich you ate for lunch trying to spell looks like.

Travis Kicked My Ass in Fantasy Football

So you know that feeling a father must have when his son beats him at some one on one hoops? I met Travis in 1988, he's my longest lasting friend and the best punching bag I've ever met. He takes it in stride and I got a lot of love for the guy. The only problem is, I don't lose to him at anything. If you spend more than three minutes with me in any contest that I'm mildly invested in you know that I'm too competitive. I can be a total dick about it too. There was one time when we were probably ten years old and we were playing a little two on two basketball, instead of passing him the ball I took an ill advised jumper that clanked off the rim pretty hard. I was mad I missed the shot so I decided I was gonna take my anger out on him, I sprinted at him when I was stopped dead in my tracks by something lodged in my throat. What was it? I managed to swallow my retainer! I remember going to tell my mom what happened, I said my "Mom, I lost my retainer." She said "Well where do you think it is." In my meekest voice I uttered "In my belly." She rolled her eyes at me and gave me a look that either said how fat are you? or How the hell did you come out of me? I've only seen looks of disappointment on my Mom's face a couple times and that was one of them. Believe me, I have a lot of years with her that I'm not very proud of but that look only came out a few times. Anyways, me choking on that tiger print retainer was probably Faber's last victory until today so the only thing I can do is pick up the pieces and live life one day at a time.

Above are a couple pictures

I like that his wife was laughing while I was punching him in the gut.